there was a time

what are the times that we will remember, which of the past moments will infiltrate my idle mind while walking down a street, eating a piece of bread, chewing hotly on a cube of ice.

there was a scene last night that made me wonder, when i am much much older and talking to my children or grandchildren...whose love will i reflect upon. will it be a love that i will have lost, one that i know now, or that i have known. it really will be interesting to see whose face comes to mind at that point in time. it is odd to think that i am currently tied up in it all still, my life is still so new to me that i do not know where i am headed yet, i have nothing to reflect purposefully on. i havent lived, i am just starting the process of living.

it feels good to be alive today.

what a wonderful thought, simple and wonderful.

personal statements

dear daniel de la rosa,

i am madly in love with you, and could not possibly imagine being any happier in anothers arms.

sincerely,

gabrielle roth

FOUR

yeah can you count to four? a baby can count to four.

things i want to do when i see you on saturday morning:

-hug you

-kiss you

-hide in a dark corner with you

-laugh with you

-smell you

-prance around in our skivies like children

-watch diving bell with you

-kiss you

-take a nap with you

-go to the beach with you

-cook for you/with you

-eat with you

-look at you for hours and touch you to make sure you are real

-smell your skin

-run my fingers through your hair

-go on a piggy back ride

-anything else involves you, i want to do that.

family

lately one of the biggest parts of my life is my family.

but what makes family, what does it mean to be family?

my sister said, 'just because they are blood, doesn't mean they are family'

she hit it right on the head, they aren't family because they are blood.

watching my moms family tear apart is making me sick. i don't want to be at home anymore because everytime i walk in the door i chance seeing my mom more hurt.

i don't understand how her brothers and sisters can be so blind, i said to my mom this evening, 'how can adults be so stupid.' and i meant it. As a little kid i remember idolizing these people, who i am now embarrassed to be related to. 

as a child my mom was abused, and now her brothers and sisters still hold it against her... as though she had  a choice when it happened to her. maybe we understand, my sister and i, because we know what it is like not to have a choice...and because we know that if you love somebody you trust them and care enough for them to believe that the hard ships that life has put them through were not their choice. 

maybe my sister and i, as much as we fight, know how to love unconditionally...a quality that has long since vanished from the hearts of my aunts and uncles. 

it is a sad day when a hero falls.

i miss you. only a few more days.  :)

i was eating my hummus cracker just now and thinking how much more i like working on my bike with you. even if you dont know how to do what i just did to it. haha. it would just be nice with you here. want to change my tires? huhuh? hahaha. just kidding i want to. haha

okay. so i think that i like the bike shop in long beach better then either shop here in np. the are dicks here and not very helpful at all. since i dont ride a 89 speed 6,000 trek carbon frame road bike....

i cannot wait to see you.

i cannot wait to hold you.

i cannot wait to kiss you.

i cannot wait to hear your voice.

i cannot wait to smell your skin.

i cannot wait 6 more days.

it was an effort, so small,  but it was worth it.

and now we have this little precious time before it all starts again, my fault.

i cannot wait to love you more tomorrow.

i want this 

a little thanks

thank you VH1 for rotting my mind.

thank you Trader Joes for making freeze dried fruit that tickles my fancy.

thank you Danny De La Rosa for making my day.

thank you Norway for the shirt i am wearing.

thank you global warming for the heat that is outside.

thank you Trident Gum for making a berry-mint yummy flavor.

things to love, the correct way to write list

these are a few things that lately i just love:

a catchy tune

whistling

dancing with strangers

dancing with friends

dancing alone

braids in hair

butterflies

sandcastles

xylophones

sleeping in the car

flocks of birds

sand under my fingernails

blanket warm out of the dryer

getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist

a goodbye hug

a good nap

a friendly insect landing on me

fresh fruit in the warm sun

fresh figs.finally fig season...

silence

frog hunts

long walks

talking to strangers

incense from the fair

trident gum

being silly

nail polish

swimming pools

climbing rocks

driving slowly through the canyons

applying spray sunscreen

taking pictures of friends

popsicles

mojitos

bracelets

stellas

fireworks

cooking for friends

not being sick anymore

putting things on my bike/fixing it up

new sunglasses

skype(this is also something i HATE right now)

silly inventions

best of friends

other peoples dogs

lawn furniture

taxidermy 

high heels

looking nice

family

guacamole

tuna sandwichs 

tea

DLR

eggs and things

cleaning up

ignoring problems

second chances, giving and receiving

the delete button

andrew bird

emotions

professing my love for you to inanimate objects

professing my love for you to animate objects

professing my love for you 

feeling okay without you.

little mermaid/radiohead's nude

Radiohead's Nude live in amsterdam

The Little Mermaid, Poor Unfortunate Souls...in Italian HA