orange cough suppresant

even when i am coughing myself to death, you make my days feel so much better.

thank you for taking a trip to the store, sorry this is a little late.

breathlessness

last night was amazing. every moment was perfect and beautiful and breathtaking. i wish i could lock the nights memory in my mind with the utmost precision, taking every note, every movement of every bow, and every smile in perfect inventory.



life in your sweatshirt is warmer and smaller. you always make me feel tiny, which i hate and love simultaneously(i like to think i am big too, despite all evidence to the contrary.)

so as i breathe, and wheeze and cough, thank you for that great night- i cant even express to you how much it meant to me.

my throat and ears throb like a muscle that has been overused.
my voice keeps going in and out, i sound a bit like a boy going through puberty.














tonight is going to be so wonderful. i wish that i felt better so that i could enjoy it more.

you're wearing a suit, oh my gosh how freakin adorable is that.

Constancy

here is the piece i turned in today for my Sculpture class, followed by it's statement. I am pleased with neither.

constancy

The title of this piece is constancy. For this project I wanted to use the required materials (plaster and ready-made materials) to illustrate a sense of faith. For many people faith is something that drives their day, and for others it is something that they reject. Both of these attitudes towards faith are something that I wanted to explore with this piece, as both are to be considered constancy. The concept of faith is to have an overwhelming trust in something that is unknown. When one is younger they trust religion without questioning its stories and rules, but as one ages a sense of doubt is cast on man religious beliefs. It is at this time that one decides their faith- whether it be united with an organized religion, personal, or nonexistent depends upon their experiences and surrounding. For myself faith is personal,I was not raised in a religious home however, I feel a connection with a god and don't need reassurance from an organized religion to feel faithful. I believe that questioning faith desires an element of child-like curiosity or wonder, and I wanted to capture this urge to explore in my piece.

Initially I wanted the piece to only be an exploration of childhood in general- the sense of wonder and relaxation that one feels as a child, the strong imagination. However, as I worked with my original materials, namely gummy bears, I began to feel very frustrated. This is when I decided that I should dissect the aspects of faith that allowed me to call upon my own faith when it felt like nothing was going quite right. I always wanted to create an environment that one interacted with, that one was forced to interact with or they would find themselves without understanding of the piece. My piece is essentially a tent that if viewed from the sides is translucent. Within the tent there is a light that is producing a colored glow and has a base that is reminiscent of the heavens. Inside the tent there and clothes-pins that are holding pieces of paper, on which are written the prayers of people I know. The prayers or hopes are unknown to me, but I have faith that people were honest and serious when they wrote on the cards. The papers are hanging from the crossbar of the tent as well as scattered on the ground around the light source. Also on the floor are black feathers and colored lights that represent doubt and hope that surround religion-the light source.

In conclusion this piece is about myself and also about everyone else, it is about what we feel as constancy- it is about our faith in ourselves as well as God. To construct the tent I used a translucent plastic drop cloth, pvc piping, and white picnic table covers. The light source is made of an recycled lamp base, floral lights, plaster treated with spray paint, chicken-wire, clear plastic kitchen wrap, painted butcher paper, and liquin. The prayers are written on paper from a moleskin notebook that I write in daily and are closed by clothespins given to me from a friends aunt whom I was once close with.

Blitzkrieg

here are photos, thank you to danny, of the piece i was showing at LMU and my statement that accompanied it.

“Blitzkrieg: A Synonym for Struggle”

This piece is about an internal war. Initially, I was attempting to express a conflict between my emerging adult self and a sense of yearning to return to my childhood. As the piece progressed and I physically struggled with my materials it became clear that it was representative of more than I had originally intended or suspected. The piece became less about the initial struggle within myself and more about the struggle that I sense when confronted by society. The piece serves as a visual representation for any and all situations where a conflict or struggle is occurring-internally or externally. For myself, it is a visual representation of the moment when there is a sense of a breakthrough amidst a struggle, it is a move towards a resolution- no matter if the resolution is intended or not.

The term blitzkrieg, pronounced blits-kreeg, is a German term that has a literal translation of “lightening war”. The term was used by Hitler's army during WWII in reference to a swift attack that combined the use of ground and aerial forces. The idea of blitzkrieg was founded on the principals of speed and co-ordinated movement, and the plan was derived through the compiling of and expansion upon French and British battle tactics. I chose this term to describe my piece because of it's connotations with war, and it's negative connection to Hitler's army. I think that the term serves as a source of additional discomfort that allows my piece to come further from it's original exploration of struggle.

To construct this piece I have used both organic and non-organic materials including ply-wood, found and whittled wood, hogs casing, and florescent light-tubes.

you look a little frail

i hate this. i hate this day, this project that once seemed so cool to me now just seems stupid and rushed, i hate this day this moment in time.

i hate this feeling. i hate being frustrated. i hate wanting to cry over something so trivial as a sculpture, but in the end it means the world to me and so i do cry.

i dont feel like doing anything. especially seeing you. i dont want you to see me like this- its disgusting. i feel so weak and stupid.

i wish i could breathe underwater, i wish the ocean didnt remind me of the time when we swam forever and passed out on the sand like seals drying our skin in the sun. beach picnics in white tee shirts and jeans- we looked like we were going to take a family portrait as we climbed the rocks searching for a higher point of interest in the blue sky.

for a moment i feel empty again.

i think i have a stomach ulcer... and a few in my esophagus, i put the steroid cream on the ones i could reach i just keep spitting up blood and it hurts/

fucking stressed.

all you've got

i dont think that i have ever had a better weekend, ever. So i spent a little time studying but that was even fun...

the beach was perfect, everything was perfect-even the almond eating seagulls were perfect once you chased them away.

dont go away.

from the month of november

the cool drop of silence

lands softly on lips,

icebergs of a secret life lying

between the dirty sheets.

the itch of a feeling,

sweaty on vapid skin.

scratching for meaning

finding only a gap

one cool drop of silence-

a scent left burning on your skin.

i didnt remember writing this until i read the words slowly and began to cry again.

from the moment you enter this world,

you are alone.

when you are young-the branches

of trees hold you close.

the grass beneath you hums a 

melody only you percieve.

then the storm comes- and

you enter the sea.

the branches around you break.

the sea haas a current that drags you-

along,

a path you never would have taken.

the gills you've been given

breathe silently on their own.

imagine the coors that life feels.

 lying in the grass the soft prickle on the sensitive underside skin of thighs is an electric orange landmine. The ant, facing the obstacles of hair on a fleshy path, gentle footprints leave behind a soothing yellow sensory path. Burning cream the sun light heat covers skin like a silk scarf, delighting every cell. The cool breeze rustling the leaves cooly greets supple skin- the skin following the breeze wit a wave of raising flesh mounds. like a whispering cloud of smoke the breeze resigns from the skin.

take refuge in the shade of an elm tree.

if i had money

there are so man shows that i wish i could afford to go to right now.

for example:
TONIGHT- at the troubador- mountain goats-$16

march 15@long beach convention center- long beach symphony italian nights- student rate=$15-53

march 15@pasadena civic center- pasadena symphony-$19-$73 i jsut really want to see a symphony

march 17@wiltern- explosions in the sky-$17 only $17!!!!!!!!!!!

march 19 @ henry fonda: nada surf w/ sea wolf-$20
OR
march 21 @ glass house: nada surf w/ sea wolf-$14

the glass house has better sound, but is in pomona... and i dont have $14

march 21 @ walt disney concert hall- LA Phil: de Waart, Jansen; music by Tchaikovsky & Schumannapril-$15-$142 WOULD BE SO AWESOME!


YUP

i had to eat that entire bag of popcorn i tell you, it as part of the artistic process.